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Are you being present as a parent?

Let’s talk about the subject of parenting and I just want to really get your mind on this because if you’re a parent I’m sure you’ll agree it’s not easy being a parent at any time, but particularly this last year has been very tough. 

Lockdown, work, juggle look after the kids and sometimes I get people say to me I know you’re busy Dr Ro are you able to do this? 

The term busy is relative to how you manage your life. 

Actually, I’ve chosen to look after and spend time with my kids more than I might do as an entrepreneur who is just focused purely on the job, the work, the business and so that allows you more time to spend on your career or business whatever it is. 

Being a parent right now in this environment, 2021 with all the stuff happening whilst people are being threatened by job losses or wanting to expand their business or career, it is incredibly tough.

I will say that it’s not an easy process being a parent, but more so if you’re a father this is a special message to fathers, if I was to sit with you in 10 to 15 years’ time and this is a conversation, I had to have with myself because I lost my father at a young age. 

When you lose a parent, your paradigm and how you see the world completely changes if you imagine your children are now grown up. 

Are there moments right now you’re experiencing where you’re thinking that you have a regret, did you miss something your kids did? 

When they were talking to you were you on this thing, on your phone and do you find yourself saying, I’ll be with you in a minute. I found myself occasionally saying that and kids really tune into this and they feel it. 

They feel the pain they feel emotionally that this is more important than them. This is where it gets difficult as if you’re working from home, that’s a tough one. It will create a deep unconscious sense of disconnection for children. 

I work with adults who have had issues with their kids or adults that had issues when they were children with their parents because their parents were not present, and this is where dysfunctionality comes into a family as well. So many people do this whole thing that you don’t understand. I’ve got to be successful first to make money and when I’ve done that I have time for you.

Yeah, right. 

What a load of frigging bullshit and so many adults, particularly men, I find the priority is around the importance of what they’re doing. I put my hand up and I say I have done this on occasions, and I have to check in with myself and my kids are astute enough now because of emotional development books and the way we communicate. My other half as well. 

Amazing. She’s just brilliant, the kids are aware of it and so when they’re aware of it they challenge us as parents. You’ve got very emotionally developed children, they’re going to challenge you on it. 

If your kids have been stuck in front of a screen and they’re consumed by iPads screens, they aren’t going to feel it as much because they will actually start to use that as their source of connection. 

Every human being needs connection but particularly children also need a sense of variety, so we need to get our needs met at all stages of our lives, but your children need to get those needs met all the time. 

My daughter was playing with Lego and she spent an hour or two playing with Lego or you can stick them in front of the TV and stick food in their mouths, you’re creating children that are not engaged, they’re not communicating, not sensing the word around them, they’re lost through a screen. 

This is a challenge because our children, then when they do want our attention we’re just relying on the fact that they can basically just switch off. The screen goes on holiday with them and daddy is going to have beer. 

So I think as adults we have become lazier than in my parents’ era. I grew up in the 60s so you know parents had more time, yes they were still busy, but there weren’t screens, et cetera. The fear of losing a job. 

The whole thing is driving us as human beings to neglect our children and you might disagree with me but I’m telling you there is a higher percentage of children now self-harming. 

Statistically, it’s a fact that this year, more than any other year that I’m aware of, there is a high percentage of children starting to go dysfunctional in their behaviour.

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