Think of body language attraction as two equal forces:
- Where you are giving out attractive forces, resulting in people being attracted to you
- Alternatively, you are giving out attractive forces, resulting in you showing you are attracted to somebody else
Neither are necessarily exclusive of one another, therefore you’ll often find both forces working simultaneously.
Which leads us to the core question – how can we be more attractive through the use of our body language?
Before we get to that let’s look at how body language attraction plays out.
Body language attraction in real life
Attractive forces are not only found on a personal level (as my introduction illuded to) but also within business/work/professional networking etc.
For example, it could be as simple as a customer being attracted to a business idea/brand/principle.
But taking it back to the human level. Often the person demonstrating an attractive force often can be described as having:
- An aura about them
- Attractive persona
So communication (if done properly), can create this energy, which draws people in.
How this plays out in terms of results is – it makes someone feel comfortable with you, to want to be around you and of course allows you to steer them and guide them. In other words, it allows you to influence someone. At high-level communication, it means taking the conversation in the direction you want them to go with you. Word of warning here, which I ask of my Communicating With Impact students. Use these powerful skills in an authentic way – always.
With this in mind, let’s look at how you can use body language attraction in your life.
Mirror and Match
To grasp body language attraction, the first thing is to understand is the concept of mirroring and matching.
For context, there is a whole mindset in psychology around neuro-linguistic programming (NLP).
These are fundamentally tools and techniques developed originally by Richard Bandler.
He created a set of models and systems. Which enables someone to know very quickly whether people are in rapport and when they’re connected. In other words, when there is an attractive force between them.
One of these systems is known as mirroring and matching.
Think back to a time when you have been really relaxed with somebody. Did you notice, that the other person was also relaxed? This is because in the concept of mirroring and matching, whatever one person does the other person tends to do.
And once you create greater harmony and rapport with that person, the greater the attraction.
But more specifically, the more synchronised you will be with the other person. An onlooker will be able to see the attractive energy at play. Unwittingly you’ll start to get into a rhythm with one another.
Remember, this may sound intimate, but it plays out everywhere – in social settings, between shopkeeper and customer and two work colleagues.
Just like this doesn’t only apply to an intimate situation, it also doesn’t just apply to one on one situations.
It can be just as visible in a group setting. Some of the best public speakers can get an entire audience in rhythm with them. In other words, mirroring and matching them.
What does mirror and matching look like?
Mirroring and matching (to keep it simple), is where, if the person you are communicating with leans forward, you also lean forward. If they lean to one side, you also lean to one side.
Let’s look at an example within the body language attraction process. Let’s say you are on a date and you want to know if that person was in rapport with you. Well, if you lean forward to talk about something intimately, and they happen to just lean forward slightly, maybe change an eye angle or smile – BINGO!
You have a connection with them!
This is a classic way to mirror and match to get that smile. The physiology of the face and leaning forward of the body indicates to you, that they are slowly getting in sync with you.
To add greater clarity as to whats the difference between the two words – matching is when you do exactly what the other person does and mirroring is what we look at in a mirror.
For example, if you lift your right hand in a mirror, you would see an opposite which would be your left hand.
For example, if somebody scratches their nose with their left hand you might be talking and you scratch your nose as well. But you do it with your right hand instead (mirroring).
They might sigh and lean over to their right and that would be your left, so you might sigh and lean over as well.
Word of warning – if you use this technique too much or in a mechanical way, it will start to feel manipulative. That’s not the way to create an attraction with someone.
Instead do it in a natural, authentic and rhythmic way.
Whatever your thoughts on this technique, it works and an attractive force will start to develop.
I want to touch on a few additional ways you can create body language attraction.
The first is – breathing.
It’s a form of mirror and matching but can be so powerful, it deserves its own mention.
In particular, you’ll know if you’re really synchronised, connected and the attractive forces are flowing if your breathing will be in a very similar pattern.
This will immediately give you a gauge of your body language attraction with another person.
For example, if the person you’re communicating with relaxes and softens their breath. This allows you the opportunity to also get into that same breathing pattern. You will notice very quickly you’ll be matching their attractive energy.
Also worthy of note is the type of breathing people are most attracted to:
People are drawn to people who are very rock solid.
The way this shows up is by their calm and steady breathing. It is the person who is calm, even during situations of high stress or pressure, who is the most attractive at that moment. So typically, when someone is stressed they will search for a person who is calm.
As a reminder, they are easy to spot because they have that steady breathing. It’s so powerful that if you mirror and match their form of breathing, you begin to also exude the same level of attractiveness.
Finally, we can look at gestures as a form of body language attraction. I speak about this in more detail in the body gestures video/article. But it’s worth an additional mention here.
You can use your gestures to increase attraction (especially if paired with mirroring and matching, discussed above). For example, it could be an eyebrow, hand gesture or even the slight movement of an eye.
These types of gestures can all be great ways just to soften, connect and really magnify the attraction.
I’ve given you various ways to use mirroring and matching to increase your attractive forces.
Ultimately, these skills will improve with practice. So have a play with them in an authentic and constructive way.
I bet you’ll find if you do this properly you’ll get some really quick results in both your personal and professional life.