Ep 001 - What I wish I knew in my teens, 20s, 30s and beyond
Show notes for Ep 001 – What I wish I knew in my teens, 20s, 30s and beyond
In this podcast Dr Ro and Harms spoke about the things they wish they knew in their teens, 20’s & 30’s. It was a fascinating listen because there were many similarities between the generations, however nuance differences.
They chose a massive question, which was intentionally chosen, to give you a feeling of what you can expect from future podcasts.
Here are the books mentioned in the podcast:
- Turning Point – https://amzn.to/2KU18DS
- Sapiens – https://amzn.to/2LjFvfB
And as promised here is a list of coaching questions to help you navigate your way
through your teens, 20’s & 30’s. (If you are 40+ the questions apply). It is important to note that the following questions, although categorised, can apply to any person at any time in their life.
- What do I value most?
- What is important to me and how can I spend more time doing those things?
- Who can I model to achieve a greater level of success on a personal and professional level?
- Who can I mix with and associate with in order to raise my level of consciousness?
- What am I doing in my life right now that is non-productive and not helping me grow?
- Around me is not positive and should I spend less time with these people?
Now you have started on your journey, this is a check in on your Compass –
- Am I currently living my life on a daily basis with a strong sense of purpose ?
- Do I see myself doing what I’m doing now, in another 20 years?
- If I don’t see myself doing this then what needs to change?
- On a personal level, which areas of my life do I want to work on to make myself feel happier, healthier and more balanced?
- Am I showing up in my relationship as the best person that I can possibly be?
- Am I financially at the level that I wanted to be by this time in my life?
- What do I need to do in order to increase or improve my financial situation?
- Is my current career giving me fulfilment?
- On a personal and professional level, who inspires me and how can I model some of the characteristics to experience more of what they have?
- Who can I get into my life to mentor me and help me make positive changes?
- Am I fulfilled in my relationship, and if not, what can I do to improve things?
- What activities or actions can I do to contribute to the world in a greater way?
- Am I looking after my health so that as I get older I will feel more vibrant each and every year?
I would strongly recommend that you look back over the questions from the 20s and 30s as some of these will undoubtedly be applicable to your current situation. However here are some specific to your age group:
- Is this the lifestyle that I envisaged I would be living by this age?
- If the answer is no, then how do I want it to look and what specifically needs to change?
- How do I want the next 20 years to play out?
- Financially, am I stable enough or do I need more financial independence?
- What aspirations did I have 10 years ago and I have not yet fulfilled?
- Am I being rewarded in my current career or profession and to a level that reflects my skill and knowledge?
- Am I feeding my body the right nutrients and food to enable me to live a longer and healthier life?
- Am I spending enough quality time with the people that I love?
- And what business could I create that will give me a passive income and create more financial freedom for myself?
- Who do I have in my life right now that is not serving me?
- What old friends could I reconnect with I have lost touch with?
- How can I contribute to society in a way that will leave a legacy beyond my years?
- What is my new vision for the future?
By now you would’ve reached a point in your life where you may be on a career path that you are either happy or unhappy with. Equally you will likely be in a relationship and possibly even have kids. Often at this stage of your life there are some searching questions that occur and this is where people can flounder.
So re-work through all the questions above and begin to process of resetting your compass.
For a full read of the podcast, here is a full transcript of everything Dr Ro and Harms covered in what was an intense first ever Seekardo podcast.
Want to read Harms person thoughts on this episode? Head over to https://toortalks.blog/podcast/
And I know, just knowing Dr Ro and myself it is going to be quite challenging just to pick one or two things within each category, but we are going to try our best to keep this, to keep this actionable for everybody listening at home.
Thanks Harms. One thing I’d like to add to those of you listening, is that this is our very first podcast and for that reason, Harms and I made a decision that we wanted to be a big question, a topic that we know is on a lot of people’s minds and for that reason it has a lot of content. So typically, our podcast’s will be around 20 minutes or thereabouts. This is double that, the reason for that, it’s a huge subject to cover so do listen all the way through and as you’re listening, even if you might be in your 20s or possibly 30s, we are going to go all the way through from teens to 30s, and know that these are really powerful questions, you can be asking yourself, and also that as we go into future podcasts, they’re going to be shorter. So, this is kind of a feature length podcast to start with. Enjoy it, it’s going to be a lot of fun, and I can’t wait for you to hear some of the questions we’ve got to cover with you.
So, Ro over to you. What’s one thing you wish you knew in your teens to kick this off.
Haha yeah I’m glad you’ve started in your teens, because I think if we start with the teens and work to the 30s, it will allow me to maybe recap on some of the things as we get towards our 30s.
I think it’s a great question Harms, and one that I just was not in that space back in my teenage years. I mean to give some perspective on this, I grew up in the 70s, so I was born in the 60s, my teens were in the 70s going into the early 80s. So that was back in the days when there was colleges, polytechnics, universities and polytechnic colleges and universities were all wrestling to get students on board. It’s like how can we entice you to come in and actually polytechnics have pretty much phased out now, so you have college and universities now. And the tech era that you’re so used to as millennial and the younger ones listening to this, that just didn’t exist back in my day. The ZX 81 computer was the computer to have, I mean that now, the technology in that wouldn’t even be remotely close to what’s in a watch today, so we were just focused on conventional careers. We were told get a good education. Get a great job for life, following the footsteps of your parents. For me it was, I was good at maths, pretty good at physics, “Oh great, you’ll be good at engineering.” So that’s pretty much what I did.
Today, it’s a totally different philosophy. Nobody taught me about starting a business back in those days, TV was so prehistoric we didn’t have digital media in our hands. Personal development was just embryonic, it was a tiny world in those days, literally you had tapes, which you probably remember, but some of the younger ones don’t remember, seminars and you really had to look hard to get some sort of inspiration, and I had nobody pointing me in any direction. My father had passed away at a young age. My mum was just working really hard, and personal development for me was something I almost stumbled across. I was desperately hungry to learn about it, but for me it became something that I grew into over that period. So, understanding the concept of communicating with impact of developing yourself, and understanding how to manage money and investing in long-term assets. That was not even closely, remotely brought into my horizon. So, I think you know for the people that are listening to this right now and you’re in your teenage years, and you think what the hell do I do, what do I do. I’ve got a few things I actually wrote down in answer to your question, do you mind if I just shout a few of them out and Harms you can jump in and add to that, if that would help.
Yes please, if you start with your questions Ro, then I will talk about my teens after that, and lets just take it in turns to go through the ages, to as far as we got in life as such.
Fantastic. Okay, so my daughter is going to be in her teens in about three years’ time, so these are the kind of questions that I’m going to be, I’m already talking to her about them now. If you’re listening to this and you’re 15, 16, 17, 18, 19 and you’re in that space, I’ve got some questions that I promise you, if you actually write these down and consider them, it doesn’t matter how emotionally developed you are at the moment, just trust me on this.
The first question is this, what are you passionate about? That’s one thing any human being should ask all the way along their journey. But I was never taught to ask that question at a young age.
What do you love at the moment?
What are you inspired by?
Who around you inspires you?
And what is it that they do that inspires you?
So, the key question is just brainstorm it for now, capture in a journal what you’re passionate about. Don’t even discriminate against it or say, “Oh my mum and dad told me I shouldn’t do this or my school teacher or my college teacher, or my professor said no, that’s not going to work.” Forget all that. The system has been designed to put us into a box, follow a set of exams, get to a certain set of results, and if we satisfy those results, we may or may not get a job and climb the corporate ladder. But that world has changed now. My world that I grew up in, put us into jobs. The world that you’re listening to as a teenager now, is going to put you into so many different opportunities, but it has to come from a place of passion.
So question number one is what are you passionate about? So added to that, and you could even treat this as a separate question to ask yourself although I’ve mentioned it already is, who inspires you right now? Who out there? Whether it’s a celebrity, an entrepreneur. Whether it’s someone like Elon Musk that’s really changing and remoulding the whole dynamics of the car market and space travel. Whether it’s an actor or actress that is incredibly inspiring because they’re going on to do things with the environment, they’re using their name, their kudos to get a message out there. Who is inspiring you right now? And ask yourself the question, why are they inspiring me? What is it about their nature, their values, their approach, their personality? Because that will give you a huge sense of, your values will be aligning with that person. You might not get this right now as a teenager, but I tell you this, the minute you find yourself attracted to another human being it’s because your values, how you’re made up, is vibrationally in alignment with that person. So, get inspired by people and start to capture on paper what is it about that person that inspires me and how can I start to model that person, how can I start follow a similar path of success, of life, of passion, of purpose.
I just want to jump in there Ro, and I’m just going to say that is a very powerful question which I never got once told about or asked that question when I was younger. And what I’ll say is, just that topic alone, we could do a complete another episode on. So what I’ll do personally is make a note of this because the conversation about values and beliefs and the vibrational energy, and connecting that with somebody, you are inspired by, I think that’s a complete new subject that we can talk about later down the line as well.
I mean just to ask you a quick question, do you think the reason you didn’t hear it is because the people around you are so in their world of just doing their job and working very hard head down and conventional thinking. They hadn’t stopped to think okay what could be a different approach for you as a teenager? What do you think the reason that you didn’t hear that?
I would agree with what you said. I personally think the reason is that once somebody is doing something on a daily basis, they become very narrow minded. The only time that they start to open up their world and their vision is something you alluded to at the start of this podcast, which was personal
developments, seminars, connecting with people who are doing something different to what they are doing at the moment. And when you’re getting taught by a teacher or a parent, we have to appreciate that they are doing a certain job Monday to Friday, or sometimes six days a week. And that they have a limited knowledge and it’s actually connected to something I’ll share a bit with something I wish I learnt in my teens and 20s, but that’s personally what I believe the reason is. Why that question was not asked to me.
And I think that’s a fair observation Harms and what I like is your honesty, because sometimes our parents, I mean my father has passed away and my mother is still alive. But when our parents and our uncles and aunties around us are still alive, we often don’t want to say what we feel about the, maybe why they didn’t encourage us. And it’s not a criticism of them ultimately is it, it’s just, that’s where the development was as a human being. They maybe hadn’t got like you as a parent, I know you and your lovely wife will have a very different conversation with your children as your parents did with you. Because you’ve emotionally developed to a different level at an earlier age, by the time you get to 30. So that’s a question I’ll probably throw at you at some point either on this podcast or another one, just so you know.
Definitely, definitely a subject for another podcast.
Okay I’m going to keep going, if it is alright with you, I’m going to do one more question and very quickly a suggested action as well on the back of this for the teenagers listening to this.
So, the next question is this, and I’m going to attach this to money. Because obviously you’re listening to me, “Ah that’s great Dr Ro, but how can I make money from something?”
So that’s the next question to ask is, how can I make money and do something that I love?
Most people ask the question, how can I make money? So, they go off and do a career, or follow a path of high levels of education and get into a job, that actually later on they realise, I’m making a lot of money here, but I’m really not happy, I’m pissed off. But what if you started that journey in your teens, asking a simple question, how can I make money and do something I love. It will force you; it will get your complete unconscious mind starting to look for activities, being inspired by people that are doing things they love and generating a lot of money from it as well. Don’t worry about how it’s going to happen at the moment, just start to ask the question, what do I love how and how can I make money doing that thing, and who’s out there doing exactly that? That’s a good starting point. Your compass will start to come into alignment once you’ve started that process.
Okay and the last thing here, because I’m desperate to hear what you’ve got to share on this Harms is, and all of you listening to this if you’re a teenager start doing the following, reading personal development books, get to your local library. When I grew up there was none of this. Self-help books were like, you had to dig around and find them. Now you can get them online, you can get them through Amazon and organisations like that. Go to your local bookshop, start reading, start listening if you can, to audios on personal development. If your budget is low, go to YouTube, there’s some inspirational material out there. And then the last thing is if you have an opportunity if anyone ever invites you to go to a seminar, a personal development seminar, even if people around you are saying that you’re crazy, don’t do it, you don’t need to do that. Do it, do it, do it! Broaden your mind, broaden your horizons, get inspired and that will start to trigger a chain of reactions in your life that will lead you to that next step of finding something you love, that you can generate an income from at the same time. That will be the one action I would recommend on the back of this particular podcast.
I think that’s fantastic advice and a great action point for people to take away. And I know you Dr Ro, I know you’re going to have a hell of a lot more questions for teenagers to apply. So, what we are going to do is, we will connect after this particular episode, and I will take the questions that you have for teens, 20s and 30s, and we will put them up in the show notes. Because some of the questions, listeners may not be able to write down and also may not be able to remember them straight away, and I personally spent some time with you, I process some of these questions and they’re not one to two-minute answers. They can actually take quite a while to figure out what the actual answer is, so knowing that we’ll actually take some of these amazing questions and put them on the show notes, and we will share the website with people at the end of the episode.
That’s great. Well I’m going to reflect it back on you and talk about teens for you, lets, put the question to you from a teens perspective what would be your insights, what do you wish you’d known in your teens?
Wow, wow, what a powerful question! So, I am going to put it into context. I turned 30 this year in 2019, so I actually now do look back on my teens and think oh my god, what a wasted opportunity. And where I wasted certain opportunities was spending time, there’s two things really. Spending time where I was not going to get a positive result from the things I was doing, and I can be open, honest, with the audience now I was a bit ashamed of in my 20s to now admit it, but that spending time playing video games, getting sucked into television series. And I mean watching block series television series from episode one, to episode like 24 in a two-day window.
So, we didn’t have that Harms, I just, that wasn’t even in our sphere of influence. We had nothing like that to distract us, whereas for young people like yourself, wow, it’s just all out there is almost too much. It’s all out there and actually that raises a great point. Something I wish I learned in my teens was, how the hell do we handle this information of technology overload that our generation is going to. But that wasn’t a massively important thing for me, the biggest thing for me and my teens was, I wish somebody taught me or taught me the lesson, or told me a story which would allow me to understand this fundamental principle which is, people actually don’t care that much about what you’re doing. That much about what you look like, people actually don’t care that much about what you’re doing period. And because what I felt the biggest distraction was, is, I have to do this, this, this and this, in order to impress these other people. If I behave in a certain way, I dress in a certain way, I watch certain things, then the people around me will look at me in a better light.
In other words, you’re cool, you fit into the gang.
I’m cool, I fit into the gang. And only when you’re in your 20s and 30s, you start realising what a waste of time, so a message for me speaking to teenagers out there is, just don’t give a damn about what other people think. I agree.
Just be on your own path. Plug into exactly the same actions that Ro has taught you on this episode one of the Seekardo podcasts. And just be yourself, be authentic, real self, and just stop caring about what other people think around you. Because I went through that pain and boy does it lead you off course. It takes you so far away from who you are as a person because you are now in a world where it’s, hang on a minute is this me? Or is this something I’ve created for myself to fit in? And I think that’s my biggest take away with my teens.
That’s a very powerful message. And as you’re speaking that the phrase that comes to mind it’s one that I’ve heard over the years in different spaces and in a different way, but it’s not about impressing people, don’t think about that. But actually start to think about inspiring people and inspiration comes from a different place, where as impressive comes from a place of ego. Inspiration comes from a sole driven, purpose driven life. And even taking that on board at a young age will change the way you behave, and the fact that you are saying that even in your 30s, there are people that don’t even think about that now. And in their 30s they’re still trying to impress other people.
I know. And the biggest indicator if you’re in your 20s and 30s, and you feel that way, the biggest indicator is just what are you spending your money on. I think that’s a big tell-tale sign on what you’re spending your money on. Is that in alignment with your values and beliefs? Or are you spending your money on that to keep up with the Jones’s, because if you buy a Mercedes, or you buy a particular brand of clothing that that will make you look better in society, or in the circles that you spend time in. And I think that’s a big tell-tale sign, especially in the 20s and 30s, that you haven’t got over the fact that you’re still thinking about what people think about you, and they actually don’t care that much.
Yeah, it’s in the moment. There is a momentary care, but that’s it. I mean those of you in your teenage years, think back to when you’re at school and you first had a mate or a friend that you fell out with and you’re upset about it, maybe you were seven or eight. You look back and you think why was I worried about that? That’s how we tend to look at it. When you get to your 30s, you look back at your teens like that. When you get to your 50s, you look back at your 30s like that. I’m sure when I’m 70 I’ll be looking back at my 50s thinking, why did I think like that? So, the wisdom of this comes with time, and you can’t escape that, but what we are trying to do I guess here is, share some of that wisdom so you think differently at such a young age.
Yeah, think differently and change the world. And almost fast forward and your idea of this podcast in its entirety is just allow you to fast forward, and I guess not make some of the mistakes that we’ve made. And we are going to bring in some friends stories, and hopefully get some guests in the future, and they will help you fast track your own personal development.
So, on that note, shall we now tackle our 20s.
Okay, let’s go back to my 20s,that would have been for me 1986 onwards. So let me, let me talk about that world for me very briefly. Head was down, I’m sure if you’re to listening to this, something similar, you’ve got through your exam period. You may be studying at college, university etc. Head down, for me it was degree, girls, climbing which I loved to do. Sometimes climbing came before girls or the other way around. Getting my qualifications, my father has passed away, but I still had that inherent Asian background which is you need to study hard, you’ve got to get good results, go into engineering or optometry or pharmacy or something like that, it was like a real, everything was about and back in my day, in the professional engineering there was very few people of colour, Asian or mixed ethnicity, high up in the career. It was mainly civil engineering, primarily Caucasian men, not even ladies actually. So, women had the same challenge. Women, black, Asian people had a similar challenge in engineering in those days, you really had to get good grades and be seen to stand out. And so that’s all I could focus on. Getting good results and to get a good career. So that was my focus. Having said that, at 21, 22, I started a network marketing business and not long after that I tried to sell jewellery out, I went to doors, knocking on doors tried to sell to ladies, jewellery and things. I knew there was something I needed to do to generate more income, and I must have had a natural instinct for wanting to start a business, but unlike today where there’s this amazing set of information out there, there was nothing back in those days.
That’s fascinating, because I didn’t know that about you! So this is great, I’m loving this podcast.
Yeah, so I tried all sorts. I literally had a little black case thing and it was all this jewellery that was bling jewellery, and I would have little house parties and stuff like that whilst I just finished my degree just starting my PhD. So even though my head was down, I was playing around and my lecturers and some of the people around me that knew I was doing this, were like, what on earth are you doing? Why you doing that? You know, you’re studying to get your PhD, you’re going to be a Doctor of Engineering. And I was just like, I was reading from 18 years of age, so I was already reading personal development in my early 20s. And I just knew that I needed to do something. Most of the materials were American, so the Americans I think a more entrepreneurial at a younger age and in this country really the only thing accessible was network marketing. You can do it at any age, if you wanted to start a business, oh my gosh you would have grey hair in your 30s or 40s.
So, I was just grappling around for something. And that’s when I started speaking in front of colleges as well. I had a sense that I wanted to expand I just didn’t know what it was. I had no business mentors, there was no business coaches back in those days, certainly not talking to some 20-year-old at university, and I just read. I’ve lost count of the books that I read in that period between 20 and 30. I listened to audio programs. I sat with tapes for hours, had a tiny, little mini car and I would sit there with my mini, I’ll be driving, going to seminars. And all this was coming out of any money that I could raise, anything I made I just put it back into buying. I spent maybe £40 or £50, which doesn’t sound like a lot today, but that’s what I had back in those, I would buy tapes with maybe three or four hours with the tape, Les Brown, people like that. Zig Ziegler, it’s learning, learning, learning, learning.
That was my 20s, studying academically and without realising it laying the foundations for what would really become my journey in my 30s, really launching into business, which obviously is what I do today. But that was an unconscious foundation which I had no idea was being laid at that early stage, and it was in a time when the YouTube didn’t exist. We didn’t have phones. I think the first phones came in the 80s there were like slabs. There was no access to any digital media whatsoever. You literally had to go and audiotape, and sometimes it would take 2-3 weeks for tapes to arrive in the post. And sometimes they would arrive, and they were smashed, and you would have to get more. That’s how prehistoric it was back in those days. So if you said to me Ro okay with that in mind, a 20 year old today, what’s available and what should they do?
Let me give you three things because I think we are on the theme of three here.
So, number one, please do this, develop your communication skills. I ran an event recently and the opening statement at the beginning of the event for the 100 people was “communication is the new currency”. In relationships it’s an amazing currency to build relationships. The flow of passion and connection between two people. In a job if you can communicate, you’ll move very rapidly to the top of the company. In a business, if you can communicate, you can attract angel investors, joint venture partners, you can sell more products, you can get clients coming into you. You could do video material straight to camera, straight to YouTube whatever it is. To your social media, Facebook etc. It is definitely a skill that is missing from most people in their 20s and they think they have to develop it ad hoc, you don’t. There’s a way to do it, there’s a system to do it. So that’s the first thing, develop your commutation skills.
I’ll just jump in and add to that as well Ro, and just to reinforce that really. So, I recently read a book called “Sapiens” and it is a million plus copy selling book out there, and the author is a historian and there’s fantastic content in that book. And he actually says there are four C’s that we should be teaching our children now to get ready for their future. And one of those four C’s is actually communication. So, I think just to reinforce what you’re saying there, this book has gone out to millions, and it absolutely, I totally agree, and that was a big wake-up call for me. And that actually was one of the reasons I attended
your event in November as well, just to master the art of communication.
Yeah, it’s so overlooked, but if you look at the great leader. If you think about every leader in history. Even the leaders that we are controversial and maybe have changed history in not such a positive way, the reason they were able to capture people’s attention and move a country, or a mass of people is because there were great at communicating. Now if you add to that with somebody with great values, great morals, you can change the world and that’s what we need more of right now, at this moment in time as you’re listening to this. That is the first thing.
So, I’m going to pick one other area, and I think you’re going to put the rest up so they’ve got access to this afterwards, and yet my other suggestion would be harmless for the people listening to this afterwards. My other suggestions Harms would be to the people listening to this right now is, is combine, is expand on your personal development and that has two elements to it.
Number one, start reading every single day 15 to 30 minutes a personal development book, not a fiction book. But a book that’s going to expand your mind, it needs to be provocative enough to get you to challenge your world around you, the people around you. And I know you love your family, your parents, but their view of the world may be different to the one that you are evolving in at the moment. You want to be an entrepreneur, you want to be free, travel the world, you want to influence the world. You want to be able to have the quality-of-life that somebody that’s stuck in a job doesn’t have. Don’t take advice of someone that’s stuck in a job. No disrespect to them, but that’s the path they’ve chosen. You’re listening to this because you’re on to a different path.
So, part of it is personal development, read and second part of that is, don’t just read, but surround yourself with a peer group, exactly what you’ve just said. People that are older than you are more experienced, they’re on a path that you want to be on. That means going to networking events, seminars, anything that allows you to rub shoulders with other people that are on a similar journey to the one you want to be on. Because otherwise, by default, you’ll hang out with people that are static, that are stuck doing the same thing and it will rub off on you, and before you know it you’ll be down the pub having the beers, a years gone by, five years gone by and you get pissed off and you think anything shit, I need to do something about this. So, change your mindset and change your peer group. That’s the only other big item I think that we need to cover in this particular section. The rest we can put up afterwards.
That’s awesome. And what we will do just on this topic alone, I’ve made personal notes and we will expand on those points in future podcast episodes as well. And that list if you can get that sent over to me I will get that up on the website, so people can literally go to Growthtribes.com/podcast and have a look at the show notes, and all of these powerful questions will be there, and we will segment them in the teens, 20s, and I think we are going to touch on the 30s as well.
I mean Harms, just so you know, when you’ve asked me a question prior to the pod cast. I just sat down, and I imagined I’m opposite a teenager, coaching them. Opposite a 20-year-old coaching them, and you know this, typically, if a parent pays for that we are talking about thousands of pounds of my time to coach somebody. So, all I am doing here is just unloading questions that are provocative enough for people to go bloody hell. If I can follow this process, your thinking changes, your paradigm changes, the way you question things changes. So, if they can do these exercises and do them thoroughly, it will literally change the way you see each day, each opportunity. The 20s becomes an exploration of life as opposed to a consolidation of what you do in your teens, it should be expansion, not contraction.
That’s fantastic advice. So, for everybody listening at home or if you’ve got a friend who would massively benefit from this advice is treat this as a mini coaching session. And because, let’s be honest not everybody has the facility or the know-how, or the right people around them to go seek out the coaches immediately. So, this is the benefit of this podcast, because they can treat this as a mini coaching session. I know your background, you’ve coached I mean probably hundreds, is it thousands now you’ve coached?
Well if you were to take groups as well yes, it’s into its thousands.
Into its thousands, so treat, if you’re listening to this at home or listening through the headphones, or you’re taking a walk. Treat this as a mini coaching session.
Okay whilst we are on it because you are a part of that journey with me, and it is great that we are sharing this message now. But I met you in your 20s, talk to us about your 20s from your perspective. Because you’re are a lot closer to that for the listener than I was.
Yes, and to be honest I am still processing my 20s. So, my 20s were literally split in half. So, I had 20 to 25 as one person. 25 to 30 as a completely different person. And that’s the initial way I can described by 20s.
I actually saw the split happen! That’s the fascinating thing for me, I witnessed it.
You witnessed the split happen, absolutely you did. And you were a part of the journey, when we talk about influential people and having the right coaches on board, that’s the part you played in my life. And now, fast forward, look where we are now. On a podcast, sharing a lot of those learnings out there to the world, which is absolutely incredible. So, what I would say about my 20s is, I was also and it’s not typical. I am Asian, Indian and male from the UK. I was also an engineer. Surprise, surprise! Leading up to 25, and it was at that point where somebody had, it was actually my wife had put a personal development book in my hand at the age of 24, 25. Which that personal development book had been passed down from her family, but nobody had really read it and that was the fascinating bit. Even my wife had not read it. I had opened this book at 24 and was like, those things you just spoke about, about challenging your beliefs. Challenging the environment around you, challenging the job system, the school system. All of that was laid out in this book and I was like what the hell, and I know you talk about turning points, but that was a big turning point in my life. So, the advice I would give to teens and 20s is about reading. I luckily happened to just come across this book at the age of 24, 25. And then I went into my second phase of my 20s, which is exactly the thing you pointed towards, which was exploration. And to put into context, in the last five years we have built a property business, we’ve built a digital marketing company. Within that company there’s multiple things that we do and all that, everything there has allowed me to pursue my passion, which is every day taking a step closer to just helping people and getting a positive message out into the world.
Just to add to that and I know you’re being humble about this, but what those of you listening don’t know is that some of the clients that Harminder’s digital marketing company service are, multi-million-pound global companies. And that has happened in the space of just a few years. It’s powerful stuff.
It is powerful stuff. And it’s all because of the questions asked to us and reading the right books, attending the right seminars, and from there the expansion was massive. So, one of the things I always occasionally think I’ve now stopped thinking it, but I occasionally think what if I had started when I was 20? What if I had started this when I was 18? What level would I be at now? But everybody is on their own path and certain things happen at the right time, like we met you at the right time, now four, five years ago. And that’s where we shifted into the next part of our 20s, which is phenomenal.
I think it’s also important to add to people listening that you do not work for anyone else now, so you left the conventional workplace within what 2 to 3 years of that changing point, that turning point.
Absolutely, because that actually ties perfectly with the thing, I wish somebody told me in my early 20s, which is learn a profitable skill right. And the profitable skill needs to involve an active income and a passive income. The active income with some additional skills can be used to purchase assets which allow your financial security to be ticked off. Because what I didn’t realise is, that it is genuinely possible to have financial independence and once money is not a problem, and once you don’t have to clock on and clock off 9-to-5 everyday, suddenly the world is completely open to actually explore and expand. And that was the biggest learning for me. I wish, if you’re listening to this now and you’re in your early 20s, start to learn about assets which generate passive income, because once you have nailed that even if it takes four, five years to put that into place, you now have the rest of your 20s to explore and start to identify exactly what you want to do in life. And that’s commonly known as your passion.
I agree. And I think just to add to my observation of your expansion and your wife Geena’s is, and this is a personal message to everybody, you’ve maintained that growth but with humility. You haven’t allowed ego to stop that level of growth. So where you’ve needed to expand you haven’t said well I don’t want to tell people about this, I don’t want to admit that this is an error that I am weak in and appear to look
stupid. Which might have done in your teens. There’s this complete transparency. So, I believe that having seen you, and some of the people around you, the reason that you’ve risen so quickly is because you’ve maintained a genuine blank page. You just said you know what there’s space here to write inside my soul, inside my mind, and I just want to find the people to help me write that. I think there’s an ego that you’ve moved aside and said, you know what, I know I’m good at what I do, but I’m not so out there that I’m not prepared to learn. And I think that’s a massive message for everybody listening. Just moved the ego aside and be like a blank canvas and soak up as much as you can from the people around you, that are in a different place to you, in a better place to you.
That’s amazing. Those are kind words, thank you so much. And I would actually add to that point is, when I did move the ego aside, because that is extremely true. When I did move the ego aside, I was however very focused on connecting with the right people and learning from the right people. I think one of the challenges people still have in their 20s is, that they’re still taking advice from people who are not doing what they’re saying. They’re taking advice from their parents; they’re taking advice from their University lecturers. Again, no offence to them, but if your passion is to be in the creative role as an example, you want to be a dancer or a musician, you want to be a master of design. It could be you’re completely engrossed in writing and in the creative arts, you cannot take advice from a certain career adviser or your parent who wants you to become an engineer. There’s just a conflict-of-interest there and you’re not getting the right advice from the right people who have actually made a success of where you want to go. And that’s just adding to the point you said there. So yes, once we did start to expand in person development and seminars. One thing we were massively, one thing I was massively adamant on is that I’m taking advice from the right people.
Yeah 100%, and that kind of lead me at some point to pick this up a little bit as we get into the 30s. So, I’ll pick that train of thought up again in a moment.
On that note Ro, I have just turned 30, so I’ve got nothing to say on this topic. So, I’m going to fire the question over to you and just let me know as well as the audience, what do we need to watch out for? What did you learn? What we need to know in our 30s?
Very good question and on that note then, so my 30s, were I was now just become self-employed. To sort of put this into perspective, we are now in the 90s so very different era now. Technology is changing, our emails were wow we can email people! It was all starting to kick off and there were things like AOL.com, and all this great stuff and now there is some technology coming into place. And for me that world was just evolving. I was by then self-employed, so I was working for other people for money, as opposed for a job, I was now invoicing people. So that was a change for me, and I was looking for something as you mentioned already that could produce a passive income. I was reading books like Rich Dad Poor Dad, and there was a shift that happened about 10 years later than your shift. I was about 34 so for me it was about realising I desperately needed to get a passive income in place, which was exactly what you realised and you identified in your 20s, for me it came into my 30s.
So, we had to accelerate very quickly, and we bought some 40 odd properties in our first year of officially expanding our portfolio and getting educated. It was a massive compression of time. But that, but I have to say I also went through some big personal challenges, which included health challenges in my late 20s, early 30s. I was working long hours still in my, just as I transitioned into my personal development of self-employed status just prior to that I was working a lot of hours in my career. I had an emotional meltdown. I started to develop lumps in my chest, hair fell out, don’t laugh because I know I’m bald
And there was a lot going on, on a personal level. I then found myself in a situation where I was going through divorce into my 30s. So, a lot of outside pressure, work pressure, long hours, misalignment of values. I hadn’t got myself to a place where I had anyone coaching, guiding me on a deep personal development level. Albeit I was going to seminars I was still integrating all of that together.
So, for those of you listening, the 30s is a challenging period because you’re questioning where you’re at.
Is this the right career for me?
Am I in the right relationship?
Why aren’t I in a relationship?
I want to have kids; how do I make more money?
I can’t see myself doing this in the next 10 to 15 years. There’s a load of stuff going on when you get to your 30s.
Whereas you Harminder listening to this, thinking right I am financially dependent on how to expand my life. How can I grow as a person? Your questions are much healthier because you’re coming not from a place of desperation or pain, which I think a lot of people, by the time they get to mid-30s are in, you’re coming from a different place. So, I kind of need to tackle this slightly differently and I’m going to approach it from, I’m going to assume that most people in their 30s listening to this are generally feeling a sense of frustration. Because the midlife crisis doesn’t hit people in their mid-40s anymore, it nearly always hits people in their mid-30s, and how do I know that?
Because I’ve been in front of hundreds of thousands of people now at seminars, about life transformation and wealth transformation. And you’ve been there with me as well on a lot of these now, you’ve been in front of thousands with me and they’re nearly always in their mid-30s, aren’t they?
Yes. So, the people in their mid-30s, are coming from the greatest pain point now but I’m also pleased that there’s people in their 20s starting to realise this early. So, there are people in my category, but the people in their 30s are coming from a pain point and they are asking those questions such as, what the hell? What the hell have I been taught? And the promises that are being made, the promises that people have made to me and said, it’s okay, things will be looking bright for you in the 30s. None of that came true and now they’re thinking, woah, we need some help. And that’s why they’ve sort of come and approach us.
And these are people with degrees, with PhD’s, with masters, with MBAs and they’re like, why?
What I do this for?
I’m not even in my career that I studied; I’ve had to go to another career. So, there are several things to consider here, and I’m just going to throw this out there and then if we want to add to this we can.
And through the follow-up behind this, but the first one and I’m going to say this quite candidly, if you’re listening to this right now and you’re already in your 30s, go back and review all the questions that we’ve already shared with you.
For the teens and the 20s. Why? Well I am in my 30s, why do I need to go back to that? Because it’s the same fundamental questions. For example, what are you passionate about? Who around you inspires you? You’re just resetting your compass now, 10 to 15 years later than somebody who’s doing this in their teens. You still have to ask the same question, so that’s one of the ones I wrote down here is, what are you passionate about? Whatever you’re doing, if you’re not passionate about it, why are you not passionate about it? What is it? Is it because it’s a functional thing? I studied it in my degree or in my
college years, but I’m not happy, I’m not excited any more. Okay, so what are you passionate about? You’ve had 15 years longer than a 15-year-old, that means you’ve got 15 years of experience. 15 years of what does work for you. What doesn’t work for you, you may’ve been in and out of relationships. You may have made money in some places, lost money in places. You may have seen opportunities come not taken them, and then wish you had taken them now. You have a life under your belt,15 to 20 years more than somebody who is 10 to 15 to 18 years of age. So, what are you passionate about and added to that, what are you passionate about that you believe you could monetise? There are so many people out there now turning an idea into an income. So that’s the other question behind that, what am I passion about and what am I passion about that I could monetise? This is where looking broader, starting to learn and mixing with the right people comes into play. Does that make sense Harms?
That makes absolute sense. And I think a powerful statement you made there was, resetting your compass. And I would say it’s totally okay to reset your compass because if you don’t reset it, you don’t make a change, and the same thing is going to continue to happen. You’re going to still be in the same place of feeling in a rut and I say, it’s totally okay to reset your compass, I’ve done it on multiple occasions now. And it’s such a relief, every time I reset my compass, because it’s better to make a change and get back on course than be miles, and miles, and miles off course and then you’re like, wow, I can’t get back on course again. And I think that’s where we sort of see people come and approach us where they’re so far off course, and they’ve never reset their compass.
Very true and I think that level when you get that far off course, there’s an emotional leverage to that as well, you realise something has to happen. But better to make small increment changes now, than some massive incremental change seven years from now, and you are nearly 40 for example. And I think that comes down, I hope you’re okay if I mention this, but that comes down to the creation of turning point. So, if you’re thinking, how do I start that? If you haven’t had a look at already, go and get a copy of the turning point booker that I wrote in 2011, because it takes people through that whole process of re-evaluating where you’re at. So, in your 30s, a great exercise to do is, what are my top values? What am I most passion about from my values perspective? What are my core beliefs about who I am, about money, about the world, about relationships, about health. It’s about resetting those values. Resetting those beliefs and then behind that redefining your purpose. and that’s a process that you can go through. I know Harminder you have been through it, you’ve been through it with your wife, and it’s a doable process. Most people go, where do I start? The 6-step process, and I can’t stress that enough and it’s a functional process. It’s not like you have to get too emotionally involved, as you come to a live event, it can be quite emotional. People start to breakdown and they’re releasing. The nice thing about reading is you can quietly internalise it, process it, map it out and go, oh my gosh my compass is pointing in this direction, but now I need to be going that direction.
That’s fantastic. And what we will do is put that book and anything else we’ve mentioned in the podcast in the show notes as well. And this six-step process to change and transformation is it okay if we pick that back up on another episodes? Because I think that’s so powerful.
Actually, that’s a very good idea, we could always break it down to give people a guide on that actually. The last one I want to add to this is, if you haven’t done so in your 20s already, and for the ones in their 20s, Harminder has already talked about this, is start to look at other vehicles. If you’re in your 30s listening to this, start a business. Find a business that will provide you with some form of additional secondary income, whether it’s an internet-based business. Whether you’re selling digital products, whether you want to create digital products. Maybe you’ve got a talent speaking and you’ve never digitised it, whether it’s learning to trade the stock market, whether it’s looking to buy properties and invest in a passive form of income, do something start to find the way. Turn the TV off, cut down on your social life. You’ve got some catching up to do if you’re in your 30s. Don’t kick yourself and say, shit I should’ve done this in my 20s. That’s done now. You’re in your 30s. This is a point to reset, but you really must start, and I remember I literally had this awakening at 33, 34 years of age. I was not in a good place; I was going through a divorce. And I was looking up at the world thinking if I don’t make a change right now, I could myself in a snap before 40 and just regretting this and that weighs tons. So, it’s okay to lift yourself up and dust yourself down, press the reset, forget the ego, let’s move forward. And that’s what we are here to do, through the pod cast with you.
I think if you’re listening to this right now, and you’re in your 40s or 50s, or even older and you’re thinking you haven’t tackled that in this particular podcast. I wouldn’t worry too much about that because if I was sat with you, coaching you the questions we are talking about for the teens and the 20s and the 30s are all relevant to anyone, at any stage in their life. The reason that we’ve structured them this way is because I know for someone in their teens, there are certain questions you can ask early. But as you’ve already talked about Harms, you know this resetting process can happen anywhere. At this stage, I would focus back on the questions, if you’re over your 30s and which ones resonate and go and have a look at the full list of questions which I think Harminder is going to put back up after this podcast. And that will help start to guide you and we can come back and talk to the older generations in a later podcast. So Harms, you know thank you. I think this has been a great session, and I think we’ve got a lot of content across in a fairly short space of time.
Ro and thank you very much. This has been a mega first ever Seekardo podcast. So, to close it out for our listeners, I want to leave them with one actionable step, they can do. Because it is our vision and our mission to leave a listener with at least one learning point, or one actionable step, they can implement for themselves to have a positive impact on their life. So, for episode one, the one-step we would love for you to take which will have a positive impact on your life is head over to growth tribes.com/pod cast and in the show notes for episode one, we will have the entire list of coaching questions which you can answer yourself. And as a reminder, some of the questions will be quite easy to answer, and some of them will take longer, but just go with the flow. For some of these questions you may never have been asked before, never have seen before, and never had even thought about answering before, so they will stretch you, they will challenge you. But I promise you, if you take action and just this one-step. There will be a genuine shift in your compass, and it will allow you to start resetting the compass, which is a topic we closed on for today’s podcast. So that’s it from me and that’s it from Dr Ro, we are signing out. We will see you in episode two of the Seekardo podcast.
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